Ancient Software Engineer

Location: Boston
Type: Full-Time (and pager duty on weekends!)
Experience: 50+ years

About Us:



At Example Company #2, we’ve been around since dial-up, and some of our codebase hasn’t changed since. While the rest of the world is moving toward sleek, scalable systems, we’re over here making sure our FORTRAN doesn’t break because it’s still powering... everything.

Position Overview:



We’re looking for a Software Engineer who can juggle modern languages like Python and Java, but who’s also comfortable diving deep into some of slightly older repos. Don't worry it's all written in our own custom in-house language that you've never used before. Trust us, it's great. You'll be like Indiana Jones! If you love the smell of musty legacy systems in the morning and find joy in ancient, uncommented code, this is the job for you.

Key Responsibilities:

- Write new features without breaking the entire system (we’re serious).

- Maintain code written before Y2K was a thing, and possibly before you were a thing.

- Debug issues that have existed for decades, while questioning every life choice that brought you here.

- Document code as if someone will actually read it in the future (we're optimistic).

What We're Looking For:

- 10+ years of experience in modern programming languages that we’ll admire but probably never implement.

- Proficient in COBOL, FORTRAN, and other ancient toungues.

- Spellcasting abilities are a bonus.

Perks & Benefits:

- Onsite cafeteria (it's bad)

- An extremely high level of job security

- Free parking

- Two beepers

How to Apply:



Send us your resume and a punch card of your salary expectations. We promise to get back to you before our next system-wide crash.